The Cream of the Crap: The Worst Fighting Games

To kinda celebrate the coming of Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe, a title of which I have dubious opinions of, I’ve decided to come up with a couple of lists for entertainment purposes- the Worst fighting games I’ve ever played. These are, of course, my own personal choices so any fans out there of the crappers I single out just chill. This is really just my way of saying that, if MK vs DC turns out to be not that great… well… you can do far, FAR worse. Heh. Why not a Best Fighting Game list as well? ‘Cause that would just be filled with new stuff like Tekken 6, VF5R and SCIV and that’s just predictable. Okay, here goes…

The 5 Worst Fighting Games I’ve Ever Played (in order of Least Worse to Abysmally BAD)

Tao Feng: Fist of the Lotus (Xbox) A 3-D fighter with strong Asian influences produced by John Tobias (formerly of Mortal Kombat fame), this initially looked promising but in the end turned out to be a clunky, awkward and un-fun fighter that was far crappier than even the worst Mortal Kombat game. The generically-named characters were unlikeable, and the gimmicks of visible damage and environment-based attacks only translated to cheap and clunky gameplay. Worst of all, the voiceover narrator speaks with an awful Filipino-english accent… heh.

Kakuto Chojin (Xbox) Yet another fighter on the original Xbox, this was one of the console’s most heavily-hyped titles. However, long delays showed cracks in the slick surface, and in the end Kakuto Chojin (translated as ‘Fighting Supermen’) turned out bad. The character designs were ugly and devoid of personality, the fighting system repetitive and the whole game having a dismal vibe. Perhaps not unplayable by any degree, the presentation however was about as empty and bare-bones as you can get (Read: Text Endings!!!).

Kensei: Sacred Fist (PS1) Konami makes great adventure games… but they SUCK at fighters. Their arcade beat ’em up Fighting Bujutsu never made it to general release, while the console title released was as average and dull as you can get. Once again, the roster is filled with dull, uninteresting nobodies, including a fighter made to look like Steven Seagal. The fighting action is decent but just… dull. In the crowded genre of the 90s, this was one of the multitude of Me Too titles that you forget once the next Sega or Capcom title comes around.

Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi (PS1) OOH! A Star Wars game!!! Ever wanted to fight as a Gamorrean Guard? A Tusken Raider? I didn’t think so. The roster mixes up the main heroes with ramped-up background fodder to make up a decent roster, but even with fan service (Leia in her bikini!), the unbalanced fighting action (why the hell would you fight as Han Solo bare-handed?) and clunky, awkward controls made this as heavy-handedly bad as the Star Wars prequels. Take note as well- this was made long before Jedi action ever became awesome instead of just waving light swords around…

Stake: Fortune Fighters (Xbox) And HERE it is! The crappiest of the crap! This Xbox fighter looked cool from the nice Capcom-ish art of the characters, but once that was past you found a game that tries (and fails miserably) to emulate the run-around action of Power Stone. Unfortunately for Stake’s case, the stages are huge which makes finding enemies a chore since they insist on running away from you (and they all run faster than you!). Combos are non-existent, the gameplay is full of useless tedium (like booby traps and bombs and stuff that shrinks you helpless for the hell of it) that makes it all about as fun as slicing yourself with a razor blade. Add to that absolutely ZERO presentation (no intros or such) value, tons of bugs, next-to-no options, modes of play or options, and you’ve got easily the worst fighting game around.

MAN! The original Xbox had it’s share of crap beat ’em ups, but to be fair it also got cool ports of SNK games, as well as SF3 Third Strike. Still, fighting wasn’t it’s strongest suit with the crap controller (something that still persists in the 360), but I can’t deny that my gaming persona today was shaped by all the crap that I endured back then. Heh. Here’s to better fighting games in the future. I mean… we can’t get any worse than these titles, can we?


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